It's auto-show season and the past 4-6 weeks for Anthony's business, Latitude Software, has been insane. Tony's experienced long days and even longer nights. It's caused me to ask myself, "If this was our life all the time, would it be worth it?"
There have been multiple days/nights on end when Anthony leaves in the morning after we all head off to school/work, comes back to have dinner with us and turns around and goes back to the office not to be seen again until about 3 or 4am (sometimes not at all until dinner the next night), then repeat the same cycle again for days on end. Many times, when he is with us, he's on his phone quite a bit more than usual and to be honest a lot of the time his head is still in the office.
Now, let me clarify, this is a window of time for us which will close fairly soon, which is why I am able to tolerate it. Also, to his own detriment, Tony has gone out of his way to still carve family time out of this hectic schedule, so please know that it isn't as bad as I might make it sound. But, I still can't help, during the long stretches begin to ask myself, "What would we do if it looked like this was to become our norm?" Would we be willing to take the drastic steps that it would require if Anthony started turning down jobs because he wasn't willing to sacrifice family over work.
It's a trickle-down effect when you own your own business. Tony's clients, for the most part, know each other in some capacity. In the auto industry, they are always looking over each others' shoulders to see who is doing what and with whom. If Tony started getting choosey about which jobs he took on, word would get out that he's unreliable and unwilling to "do what it takes". Which would mean that he would get less business, which means less and less money, possibly to the point of a failed business.
We aren't "rolling in the dough" as it is. Business expenses are high and with increasing insurance costs and taxes, the take home is good, but we aren't rich. However, we have more than enough. Enough to maintain our home that I love, pay the bills and give the kids experiences that we feel are valuable. We are not wanting for anything. Do I wish I had a fatter savings...sure, but don't most? The question is...could I give these things up if it came down to a choice between maintaining the family priorities that we have thus far and having to make sacrifices? Would I be willing to tell the kids that they can't play sports...or that we that we have to sell the camper because we can't afford to travel? Would I sell my house?
How much "good life" are we willing to part with so that we can maintain "family life"? That is a harder question for me than I want to admit to. Certainly there are some things I could get rid of fairly easily...but what if did come down to the bigger things? Would I do it? If faced with the choice, would I make what I would consider to be the most difficult choice, be willing to sell my house, and live in an apartment or with family in order to maintain the "family first" priorities that we have held strongly to for the past 14 years? I would like to give a resounding, "yes!" without faltering, but I'd be lying. So instead, the best I can give is a week shrug of my shoulders and say, "I think so...I hope so". But it leaves a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach thinking about it.
These are the things I ponder.
3 comments:
When the market took a hit business slowed way down at what should have been our busiest time. We had to talk about what we would consider our worst case scenario (selling the house, etc). It was scary, but in the end, to be a family and be okay together, we were willing to do it. Thankfully, we didn't have to and business has picked back up. I think that when push comes to shove, you *would* do it. It's a hard thing to imagine making that choice right now because you aren't feeling the deficit of Tony working too much all the time, but if your family was seeing the effects of it, you guys would. Because you value family above money. This is evident in your life.
Karen, you made me cry.
My work here is done.
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